G

I have been wondering lately about greatness.

About what denotes greatness, what creates it, what inspires it, what embodies it, what expresses it. Correctly, if such a thing is possible.

I have wondered after its commonality, about our generalizations about it, about our ambiguity towards it, about our standards for qualifying for it.

What is greatness, I would like to know.

Speaking in terms of size, I immediately think of massive galaxies, terrific expanses of sky, mountains upon mountains, heights and masses, miles and miles and miles, as far as the eye can see, or not see at all.

Is this great?

When I think of greatness in relation to power, I wander towards strong leaders, decisions affected, physical might, religious movements, taking stands, fasting, prayer after prayer after prayer.

Or is it ability? Is it to do something with greatness? With great leadership or agility or grace? Is it the talent for a specific trade or craft? Is it quantities we can we impressed by? Is it a quality of intricate and intrinsic goodness?

Is goodness greatness?

Can what is great ever be concentrated, dependent on, or in spite of what we find good?

What then can we really mean by this word? Its undeniable vagueness, its tip-toeing around definitive meaning, switching from one side to the next, as soon as we tend to understand, changing everything right under our noses.

I couldn't really say. So far, I'd say there is little I understand about the vastness of greatness, let alone the vastness it is able to describe. What can we call great? And after that, the question still lingers: are we even right?

I wouldn't say I was perfectly content in all areas of life until I started fussing over these questions. I've spent many insomniac-driven nights staring at my ceiling over nothing at all, let alone over a racing mind that never tires. But I also would not say that I am sorry it was brought to my attention, whether deliberately or not. Having recently been burdened (or maybe, blessed) with the task to achieve greatness, (with perfect and sincere certainty, at that), I have been forced to consider what that means to me, if anything at all. And for what it then means, if those things are what I believe I am capable of obtaining or being or living for. From there, I've drawn blank after unrelenting blank.

And each questions seems to be followed by another, quite equally unanswerable in any particular way. For example, what if what I consider greatness is not especially great to anyone but myself? Will I have achieved in spite of, or should we all suddenly start feeling very foolish for wanting what we want? (Note the question on question tactic.) For a second, it doesn't matter. All I can say is, we've hit a snag. And I don't really know if we can expect to reach the bottom of anything before this has pulled further and further, unraveling down to nothing but a jumbled pile of threads on the floor.

I don't know that it's necessarily fair to ourselves, or anyone, to judge our best moments by what we've accomplished. Rather, what might matter more is how hard we've tried. I have failed at more than I have conquered, but the times where my efforts have been most valiant shouldn't be ignored by what I wasn't able to rise above. Should they?

I really don't know. I'm merely suggesting that we 360 our thinking for as long as we can stand it, maybe just long enough to notice what we've missed, or never knew.

There is greatness in sadness. In everyday existence. In huge accomplishments. In silence, in solitude, in empty space. All these things have a place to be defined by greatness. So what then are we so worried about?

Everything is not great, and yet I tend to think that anything could be, if given proper space to expand or ruminate or settle. This is not to say that we celebrate every small mediocrity, that we worry about hurt feelings, pat everyone equally on the back, and look the the other way.

Greatness can be exemplified in the smallest way you choose to do something with exception. These are our every day tasks. And opportunities. We can think through our minor moments. We can challenge ourselves by them.

Still, I feel a slight concern that being charged with greatness, to achieve great things in great places, to be noticed, to show (I suppose) positive change, will leave my audience, however small, scratching their dizzy heads. At, first of all, my unwavering ability to waver. The big question mark that has become my face and mind, and in turn, most things I do. Some may conclude insanity, others, disappointment, in my ability to be classically accomplished or to even make much sense.

But it is fine. It is well, in fact. I understand what is expected. I'm just hoping for a little grace, and perhaps a little understanding of my own. I'm hoping for watchful eyes that recognize greatness in all of our efforts, in what we hope for, in what surrounds us, in the truly unexplainable.

For now, for me, this is a place to start.